A glimpse into the Mind of Adam Sill
"Never forget what you are. For surely the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." -Tyrion Lannister

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Strange New Feeling





















When we first met, I did not know the magnitude
Of the feelings I'd come to have for you
You entered my life after a great storm
And I found a new love had been born

A feeling that had slept deep within my heart
You reached in and gave it a new start
I do not know if it will stay
But I'd be a fool to shoo it away

For when I gaze at your beautiful face
I know to look away would be a disgrace
Your eyes, your skin, and your lovely hair
The beauty of an angel is displayed there

A gift from God, I know you are
When the light in your eyes shines like a star
With these new feelings I pray, Father please
Tell me what to do with these

For I've made mistakes prior to
And I'm afraid to repeat them with you
But my heart and mind are at peace again
So I do not fear to let you in

So I offer my hand and my heart
And I know that we shall never part
For you occupy my heart and mind too
So I can't help but saying "I love you"

When we meet, it's easy to see
That I find it hard to breathe
A fool, I know that's what I am
But there's more to see if you take my hand

I don't know what this feeling is
But I hope that it does not vanish
I know that no poem or lyric will do
to express the feelings I have for you

Something about you is reeling
In a strange new feeling

Monday, February 21, 2011

The Fountain

A Short Story by Adam Sill

Brianna charged the fountain in the middle of the vacant, muddy park. Mascara-stained tears ran down here face. She wore dirty, tattered clothes. Her eyes were red and vulnerability and instability were displayed in each step as she strode through the mud and grass. Her hands were clasped into fists as they sat motionless at her sides. When she reached the fountain she dropped to the ground and sat with her legs crossed as she cried. She looked down at her wrists to find the scars of her past mistakes. She fell silent and just sat, staring at her hands. Then she stood up again and screamed at the top of her lunges. She kicked the fountain and and hurt her foot so she fell to the floor once again.
"Okay." she said, "I'm ready."
Then a man walked up to her. He was wearing a white suit, and though he walked through the mud, it did not stain his clothes. He had a loving look imprinted on his face, and his eyes were filled with sympathy. "I have been waiting here for a while." He said. His voice sounded firm and disciplined, but at the same time it was soft and inviting. "Waiting for you to come back here."
"I know." Brianna said, "I know I shouldn't have left."
"Tell me, Brianna," he said, "What happened?"
"You know what happened." She answered
"I know. But do you?"
Brianna looked down at her wrists again. "I thought I was ready. But I wasn't. I thought that you were with me in my heart. I thought that all I had to do was let you take over and I would be okay."
"So you do not know what happened." The man said
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, not only have you failed to make the right decisions, but you fail to understand why you made the wrong decisions in the first place."
"No," she said, "I know why I failed. I know why I have made the wrong decisions. And it's what I just told you!"
"So you are saying I'm wrong?" the man asked.
"I-" Brianna started, but did not know what to say, "I'm sorry."
"I forgive you."
"Then why did I fail?"
"Think." The man said, "Think really hard about it and you will find the answer."
Brianna closed her eyes and thought hard. Millions of thoughts rushed through her mind  and as she read through each one, the man read along until suddenly he said, "Stop. That one." Brianna stopped on the current thought she was reading through, then she spoke.
"I tried to do it on my own."
"Yes." the man said, "I bring you to this fountain to be at peace for a short period of time. So that it can be just the two of us. This fountain is not a place for you to sit for all eternity. You have to leave eventually. I will go with you, but you have to bring me with you."
"How?"  she asked
The man held out his hand and a crystal bowl appeared in his palm. He walked over to the fountain and scooped out some water. "Stand up." he said.
 Brianna did as he said. The man held the bowl over her head. Brianna looked up at the crystal bowl and stepped back away from the man
"No." the man said, "Trust me."
Brianna hesitated but eventually stepped back underneath the bowl. The man poured the water over Brianna's head and it washed over her entire body. She felt free and refreshed. When she looked down she saw that she was now wearing a beautiful white dress. She looked at her wrists to find that the scars had vanished. She looked up at the man's warm face and smiled. "This is how I want to stay." she said.
"Good." the man answered, "Whenever you become stained by darkness, I want you to pour this water over your body and you will be forgiven and freed of everything." The man held out his other hand and another crystal bowl appeared. He dipped both bowls into the fountain, scooping out as much water as possible. He then welded the two bowls together forming a crystal ball filled with the fountain water. He handed it to Brianna. "Keep this with you at all times. If you do this, your life will be prosperous. And remember, I am always with you, all you have to do is look for me.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Man of God















I once had walked in your holy shoes.
I tried so hard to represent you
I was filled with joy and glee
Because I was Innocent and Free.

But when when the dark one wanted in
It felt so hard to resist the sin
And as it clawed my life to shreds
My heart was broken, my soul was dead

But even when he tore me apart
You still possessed my Heart
My mind was strong and my motives right
But my willpower lost me the fight

After the sin had taken its tole
I sought your love to mend my soul
My life was cleansed and I was walking with you
And now it's clear what I'm to do.

The sin has returned and tried to come in
But when with you I shall always win
As the struggles had fled along with the strife
I could focus on how to live my life

My mind is pure and my motives, true
Now I live to glorify you
I discover my passions, and my talents too
I know that these are gifts from you.

I am now prepared for the enemy's attack
For the Holy Spirit I no longer lack
If my sin presents itself again
I will try my best to refrain

My Shield is thick and my Sword is broad
For I am now a Man of God

Who Am I?

Throughout my life I have struggled with many things. The three main sins that I have struggled with are Lust, Laziness, and Lying. The three L's. These sins had tore my life apart for years. I could feel my relationship with Christ thinning over time. I was tired and I couldn't carry on. But I finally repented and got my life back in order. As many of you may know, I gave my testimony back in January at SHIFT Students at CCV. From that point on, I was living for God. I was trying my hardest to read my Bible every night, I was doing all of my homework, and the three L's could no longer rule my life. And as God was teaching me new things, and showing me how to become a fully devoted follower I felt a strange feeling. A feeling that was new to me. That feeling was freedom. I felt so happy to be rid of the sin that I felt it impossible to conceal my happiness.

It was a freedom that I had acquired through my lack of self-consciousness. I didn't care about anything but my relationship with God.  And since I was no longer held to the standards of my peers, I was able to discover who I really am. And as the days go by I learn new things about myself. I discover joy, and compassion in my life that wasn't there before. I wasn't filled with resentment towards others, but rather acceptance. With this new freedom I had a more clear mind, and I felt it easier to read and write. I discovered passions that had been limited due to my embarrassment. I felt like I knew who I was, and God knew who I was, and that was all that mattered. I was ready to go out into the world with a more responsible attitude, faithful heart, and positive outlook on life.

I am so happy with where I am at in regards to my relationship with Christ that I felt it necessary to write this blog. God is the King of My Life. God is the Light that Motivates Me. And God is the Answer to my Problems. For all of you that are struggling with Sin, and are being held down by the enemy's razor sharp talons, please listen to me. You will never achieve happiness unless you run to God. If you allow the Holy Spirit into your life, he will heal your wounds and restore peace to your soul. You are betraying yourself when you refuse to seek the Lord. So just take the happiness, God offers it to you daily.
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