The Christian Church Vs. The World

During the past few weeks I have felt so... Sad. I'd been in and out of the word. Praying every other day when the world delivered me a platter of dog crap. Something was missing. Eventually I realized that it was the lack of studying God's word, so I forced myself to read more. I started reading through Psalms, which is a great book, however, it seems that the words seem so redundant. In no way am I saying that it is worthless. I  believe that the book of Psalms draws a beautiful picture of God's mastery and His glory. However, I needed something that didn't sound exactly like the same three songs that we sing at church on sundays and wednesdays. I found myself merely skimming over the words until and not processing them correctly.

Recently, I had been living with the false mindset that I have to give up all hopes and dreams in order to become a follower of God. The reason for this is because I had just finished reading a book called Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller. The book deals with idols and the dangers that they impose. The book made me wary of all possible idols. I was afraid to watch TV or be too focused on writing. I was afraid to spur on any romantic relationships with any girls (Not that I didn't flirt with the really pretty ones). I thought that I was living my life for God when in reality I wasn't really living my life at all.

One day after returning from the movies after watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 I felt the need to be... More. Life suddenly felt so dull. I wanted to create something because it had been so long since I had let myself sit down and create characters and put them into exciting situations. I felt so worthless.

As I sat in my room staring at a blank computer screen I felt this "pull". It was like some supernatural being had grabbed by shoulder and pulled me away from my desk and out of my room. I found myself walking down the hall and entering my parents' bedroom when I suddenly stopped. I looked around the room, searching for a reason to enter this room when I spotted it. A sticker above my parents' window that reads, "'We are such stuff as dreams are made of.' -William Shakespeare"

I sat and tried to process the words in my head, and this is what I came up with;

1. We have the ability to be whatever we can dream of. It is in our nature. All we need is the willpower to do it.

2. Dreams = Our greatest Desires. So if we are such stuff as dreams are made of then wouldn't that mean that our creator desires us? In fact, it would mean that we are his Greatest desire. He desires to have a relationship with us.

It was shocking to me. This quote basically was telling me that I could have the things in this world that I want and still be a fully devoted follower of God. No way! Immediately all of my dreams of my future, including occupation, possession and romance, became possibilities.

We can have the things of this world and still worship God. In fact, we can use the things of this world to glorify God. I am always hearing the phrase, "Don't be of the world"... Why not? There is nothing wrong with this world. You know what is wrong? When We take the things of this world and when We turn them into idols. It's not the world that is wrong... It's us. In the very wise words of Louise Armstrong; "Maybe it's not the world that's so bad, but what we are doing to it."

In fact, the very thing that drew my attention back to God was not the Bible, but a quote from William Shakespeare's The Tempest. God uses things in this world to help us grow in our walk.

Don't say you are not of this world. This is a world that God created. Then we came along and kicked him out. So let's let him back in.

The Black and White Car: Broken Isolation

 A Short Story by Adam Sill

Jennifer Hart- fifteen years old. Her friends called her Jenny. But he called her worthless. She stood in the bathroom staring into her light blue eyes that reflected off of the old, rusty mirror. She examined the many bruises that decorated her face and the endless scars that stained her arms and legs. Her eyes were bloodshot and filled with tears as she mumbled to herself softly. "I can't..." she said.
She rushed out of the bathroom and found her old Cinderella backpack. She quickly grabbed all the clothes and supplies that she could find and threw them into her backpack. She approached the front door of her house where she found him laying, passed out and smelling of booze and urine. She looked down on him and felt empty. As if all of her emotions had simply drained out of her. She knelt down and stuck her face just a few inches away from his. She ran her eyes up and down his unclean, unshaven, wrinkled face. She then stood up, flipped him over so he was laying on his stomach, took out his wallet from his back pocket and took all of the cash that was in it; Eighty-three dollars. She turned away from him and opened the front door and paused. She turned and gave him one last look. "Go to hell." she yelled and ran out of the house slamming the door behind her.
As she walked she felt a great deal of stress and anxiety which caused her to trip over herself several times. She tried to imagine her new life on her own but it was impossible. In every fantasy that she dreamed up he always intruded and she could visualize him standing over her preparing to strike. She had left her neighborhood and was walking on a main street when she felt it. It burned like a flaming sword being stabbed into her belly. It was a new feeling, yet she recognized it almost immediately as 'isolation'.
Jenny fell to her knees and began to cry when an old black and white car pulled up next to her and the passenger's door window rolled down. She was ashamed to be seen crying so she turned her head away from the car. She dried her tears and tried to act like she was not crying. "I'm fine!" she yelled to whoever was in the car yet she dared not look up to see who she was addressing. 'What if they didn't even stop for me?' she thought, 'what if they just stopped because they ran out of gas or needed to answer their phone?' she was humiliated so she stood up and, without facing the car, turned to walk away.
"Jenny," came a strong, masculine, tender voice from the car
Jenny turned to face the car and found a dark-haired man who looked to be in his mid-thirties sitting in the driver's seat. He was handsome and he had a warmth about his appearance that brought about a great calmness. Jenny approached the car and looked in through the window. "Who-" she began
"I Am." he interrupted
"Why?-" she began again
"Because we need to talk," he said, "now get in."
Jenny looked at him and then turned to look at the road. "Okay," she said as she opened the passenger door and climbed into the car.
The car immediately sped off. It drove straight for a few yards then miraculously lifted off the ground and began to fly into the sky. Jenny sat upright in her seat and lost her breath. She was terrified as she looked out the window to see that she was now flying thousands of feet in the air. "What's happening?" she yelled.
"I'm taking you somewhere." the man said
"Where?"
"Somewhere you have never been before."
They continued to soar higher and higher into the sky. Jenny noticed that they were now soaring high above the clouds... Then above Earth... Then above the Milky Way... And before she new it she was flying in what appeared to be nothing. She felt the car touch back on the ground and when she looked out the window all she saw was White. As if she was staring into a flashlight. She turned to face the man who was staring at her. He put the car in 'park' and turned his upper body so he was facing Jenny. "So, Jenny," he said, "I've been watching you."
"Are you-" Jenny said, "Are you- Him?"
"What do you think?"
"I- I don't know."
"I Am" the man said again
"What does that mean?" Jenny asked
"It means... Everything."
"What does that mean?"
The man laughed and said, "It means you will never understand."
"I'm confused." Jenny said as she lowered her head
"I'd be impressed if you weren't... Or disappointed."
"What are you doing to me?" Jenny asked
"I'm  introducing myself to you. Hello, I Am." he said as he held out his hand.
Jenny warily shook it and said, "What do you want with me?"
The man frowned, "What do you mean? Aren't you in awe of everything that is around you?"
"What?" Jenny asked, "There's nothing around us."
"Really? Is that what you think?"
"Well... Is this... Heaven?" Jenny asked
"Yes," the man answered, "and no."
"What does that mean?"
"It means, this is your soul. Empty and barren. It makes you feel uncomfortable, does it not?"
Jenny nodded her head.
"You have gone through you life living to remain pure and humble. You have striven to be a good human being and loving friend. Beaten by your father and abandoned by your mother you have tried to mask your emotions by being the 'funny girl' and now everyone loves you. You are a kind, and loving person. But you are naive. You know that there is nothing out there for you so what is the point in staying in the same dull situation that has brought you nothing but grief and despair?"
"I-" Jenny began but was cut off by the man
"You have tried so hard to make sense of the world around you and you can't find any answers. You have walked alone for many years and now I am calling you out. This... Whiteness that you see... It is all that you are. Pure, light, and yes, somewhat beautiful. But it is empty."
"What are you saying?" Jenny asked
"I'm saying you don't have to live your life on your own. I'm saying you don't have to run away from home."
"No," Jenny said, "You don't know what it's like."
"I don't?" the man asked, "Hold out your arm."
"What?"
"Hold out your arm and roll up your sleeve."
Jenny obeyed. She held out her left arm and rolled up her sleeve displaying the many cuts and bruises that have scarred her arm.
"You have your scars..." the man said as he held up his right arm and pulled up his sleeve, "I have mine."
She saw it. The very thing she had heard about since she was a girl. And suddenly she understood just how powerful this man was.
"Okay," she said, "But I thought you said my life was wrong. What is to change if I go back to the same routine?"
"I'll be with you." he answered
"Oh," she said, "I see."
"You have a friend very dear to you named Katherine, don't you?"
"Yes."
"And she has told you about me?"
"Yes."
"Maybe it's time you start following Katherine's example."
Jenny sat and thought. This all seemed so strange yet so normal. It felt right.
"I am going to give you a choice." the man said, "You can choose to stay here in this 'Whiteness' and forever be an empty soul, or you can return home... With me. What will it be?"
Jenny looked from the man to the whiteness outside her window. She grabbed the door handle and pushed the door open. She threw her Cinderella backpack out of the car and closed the door. "Okay," she said, "Let's go home."

The Black and White Car: Discovering Shame

 A Short Story by Adam Sill

Devin  sat down on the cold green lawn. He stared at the square stone laying in front of him that read, "Mary Wells 1994-2011" He remembered holding her hand. How even though their hands got sweaty and dirty, he refused to release his grasp. He could still feel her soft lips on his. And it seemed that everywhere he went he could hear her laughing or crying. He couldn't explain it but she haunted his mind and he did not want her to cease. He stood and left the grave of Mary Wells. He walked through the graveyard seeking the exit as he tried to make sense of things in his mind. However, no matter how hard he tried, he could not find any answers. When he reached the exit of the cemetery he saw a sign that stood high among the gravestones. It read; "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or morning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. -Revelation 21:4"
Devin read the sign and turned away in disgust and cursed it. He exited the cemetery and began to walk toward his car. As he was walking an old black and white car pulled up next to him. The passenger's side window rolled down revealing a dark haired man who looked to be in his thirties. "You?" Devin said, recognizing the man instantly.
"Get in." the man said, "We need to talk."
Devin obeyed and slowly entered the grey car. Right when he closed the door the car sped off. They were moving so fast that Devin could not make out the objects outside of the car. He glanced over at the speedometer which displayed "0 MPH"
"Am I dead?" Devin asked
"You tell me." The man answered
They continued driving in silence for a few more minutes before Devin worked up the courage to speak. "Who are you?" Devin asked
"Maybe you should ask yourself that question." the man answered
"Enough!" Devin yelled, "No more riddles! No more games! Just give me a straight answer!"
"I Am." the man answered
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what it sounds like."
"That's it, I can't take it any more." Devin said as he reached for the door handle.
"Do you honestly think if you jumped out of the car right now you would survive?" the man asked
"You are a master of cheap, cruel tricks." Devin said, "How do I know the car is actually moving?"
"I am not a master of cheap tricks." the man responded, "Do you believe the car is moving?"
Devin sighed, "Yes."
"Then it is moving."
"So you are saying that if I believed that the car wasn't moving, then it wouldn't be moving?"
"I did not say that."
"Then what are you saying?"
"I am saying that everything is the way it is because I made it that way and because it is that way for a reason. Though you will never fully understand that reason, you must have faith in the fact that I know what I am doing and that my way is the right way. That is why the car is moving."
"And if I don't have faith?"
"There's the door."
Devin turned and glanced at the door then back at the man. "Okay," he said, "What do you want?"
"What do you think I want?" the man replied
"I don't know! I- uh-" Devin stuttered trying to find an answer.
"Sure you know." The man said, "Think. Think of all the things you've ever learned about me. Think of all the things I've done."
"Okay." Devin said
"What do I want?" the man asked
"Me." Devin answered
The man grinned a little. "Is that what you think?"
"Yes."
"That's a shame." the man said
"What?" Devin said, "You don't want me?"
"No, I do." the man answered, "I was just hoping for an answer that you hadn't known since you were a six-year-old boy."
"I don't know what you want me to say." Devin said
"Yes you do. Just look deep within yourself." the man replied
"I can't! Why can't you just tell me what you want me to do?"
"I have." the man answered
"That's bull shit! You haven't told me anything!"
"'It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood poor approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.'" the man said
"Who said that?" Devin asked
"Shakespeare." the man answered
"What does that mean?"
"It means don't swear in my car."
Devin sunk down in his seat, embarrassed. "I'm sorry." he said
"I forgive you." the man said
They both sat in silence for a while before Devin finally spoke again. "Why are you doing this to me?"
"What am I doing to you?" the man asked
"You are torturing me." Devin answered
"How so?"
"'How so?'" Devin was filled with rage, "What do you mean 'How so'? You have taken everything from me! I'm failing in school! My family is a mess! And my girlfriend just killed herself!"
"Oh, did I do all that?" the man asked sarcastically
"You could have saved her!"  Devin yelled, "You could have saved her! But no, you just sat back and watched as she drove a knife into her stomach!"
The man was infuriated. "You think I didn't try to save her? You think I didn't love her with all of my heart. I loved her in a way you never could understand! I could have created more peace in her life than you could have hoped to create!"
"Then why didn't you?" Devin asked
"I tried."
"You tried? I thought that when you want something it automatically happens." Devin mocked
"You couldn't be more wrong." the man said
"Oh well then please, tell me how you tried to save Mary's life?"
"I sent her you."
Devin was taken off guard. He immediately saw what the man meant. He felt so overwhelmed that he burst into tears.
"It's okay." the man said as he patted Devin on the shoulder. "It's okay. You are not perfect."
"No," Devin said, "But you are! So why are you letting all of this happen to me? Why didn't you tell me that all I had to do was bring her to you? Why didn't you tell me anything?"
"I did tell you. I had been telling you for years."
"Then how come she's dead?"
"Because you wouldn't listen!"
"Oh, don't give me that crap! You don't care about me! You don't care about anyone! All you do is sit up there on your stupid cloud and laugh as you watch me suffer!"
"That's not true, Devin. I love you. I love you with all my heart. I gave my life for you."
"Yeah, okay." Devin said as he rolled his eyes.
The car came to a stop. They were back at the grave yard.
"Okay, Devin," the man said, "You have reached a choice. We can continue driving and talking and hopefully get all of this trouble worked out or you can quit now and get out of the car. The choice is yours. But let me warn you, if you get out of the car that is your destination." He pointed to the graveyard.
Devin sat and thought, he looked at the man then at the graveyard. "Okay," Devin said, "I'm done." He grabbed the handle and pushed the door open.
"Devin, I am not trying to mislead you. Mary may have no more hope. But you do. I'll be right here... Waiting for you."
Devin climbed out of the car and slammed the door and the man shed a tear.