My Tortured Heart

I've been praying for love and hoping for romance. Satan gave me a fake feeling that grew into a false hope. Then I began to doubt myself, my words, and my God. Then the words that left my lips could no longer be claimed by God. My heart is a tender one, I know, and with the torment the enemy brought, I am filled with fear.
The many lashes of Satan's whip have left scars of uncertainty and caution. I am so scared of falling in love. Now that I am faced with romance, I am afraid of moving forward. The thought of experiencing what I have previously endured sends me to the corner to curl up in a ball and hide. There is a girl whose heart I crave to hold, yet my fear overcomes my longing. When I remember the pain that I had put myself through, I cannot bring myself to push the relationship forward. I know this is what God wants for me. I know this is part of His plan. I can feel it and, when I do, I am filled with joy and excitement. Then I remember the darkness and my foolish idiotic fears take a hold of me and I retract.
I have just seen God move in so many ways in my life, and right when He sends my this wonderful girl who's relationship with me could be used in so many ways for His kingdom, the fear in my heart sends me running away.
Damn this cowardice heart! Do you not see that the fear that has been planted on your heart is all a part of the Devil's plan? You are a fool and a coward, Adam Sill! You speak of love as if you have experienced it, yet you coil away when God lovingly sends you another person to love! Do not fear love! It is irrational to fear the very thing that conquers fear! Instead, embrace it and accept it. I will be faced with the same torture that I have felt before, it is inevitable. But if love is water, then a man in love is like a man diving into a rocky pond. He knows not what dwells below the surface of the water, yet he goes in, head-first, careless of the pain he might endure.