The Black and White Car: Discovering Shame

 A Short Story by Adam Sill

Devin  sat down on the cold green lawn. He stared at the square stone laying in front of him that read, "Mary Wells 1994-2011" He remembered holding her hand. How even though their hands got sweaty and dirty, he refused to release his grasp. He could still feel her soft lips on his. And it seemed that everywhere he went he could hear her laughing or crying. He couldn't explain it but she haunted his mind and he did not want her to cease. He stood and left the grave of Mary Wells. He walked through the graveyard seeking the exit as he tried to make sense of things in his mind. However, no matter how hard he tried, he could not find any answers. When he reached the exit of the cemetery he saw a sign that stood high among the gravestones. It read; "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or morning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. -Revelation 21:4"
Devin read the sign and turned away in disgust and cursed it. He exited the cemetery and began to walk toward his car. As he was walking an old black and white car pulled up next to him. The passenger's side window rolled down revealing a dark haired man who looked to be in his thirties. "You?" Devin said, recognizing the man instantly.
"Get in." the man said, "We need to talk."
Devin obeyed and slowly entered the grey car. Right when he closed the door the car sped off. They were moving so fast that Devin could not make out the objects outside of the car. He glanced over at the speedometer which displayed "0 MPH"
"Am I dead?" Devin asked
"You tell me." The man answered
They continued driving in silence for a few more minutes before Devin worked up the courage to speak. "Who are you?" Devin asked
"Maybe you should ask yourself that question." the man answered
"Enough!" Devin yelled, "No more riddles! No more games! Just give me a straight answer!"
"I Am." the man answered
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what it sounds like."
"That's it, I can't take it any more." Devin said as he reached for the door handle.
"Do you honestly think if you jumped out of the car right now you would survive?" the man asked
"You are a master of cheap, cruel tricks." Devin said, "How do I know the car is actually moving?"
"I am not a master of cheap tricks." the man responded, "Do you believe the car is moving?"
Devin sighed, "Yes."
"Then it is moving."
"So you are saying that if I believed that the car wasn't moving, then it wouldn't be moving?"
"I did not say that."
"Then what are you saying?"
"I am saying that everything is the way it is because I made it that way and because it is that way for a reason. Though you will never fully understand that reason, you must have faith in the fact that I know what I am doing and that my way is the right way. That is why the car is moving."
"And if I don't have faith?"
"There's the door."
Devin turned and glanced at the door then back at the man. "Okay," he said, "What do you want?"
"What do you think I want?" the man replied
"I don't know! I- uh-" Devin stuttered trying to find an answer.
"Sure you know." The man said, "Think. Think of all the things you've ever learned about me. Think of all the things I've done."
"Okay." Devin said
"What do I want?" the man asked
"Me." Devin answered
The man grinned a little. "Is that what you think?"
"Yes."
"That's a shame." the man said
"What?" Devin said, "You don't want me?"
"No, I do." the man answered, "I was just hoping for an answer that you hadn't known since you were a six-year-old boy."
"I don't know what you want me to say." Devin said
"Yes you do. Just look deep within yourself." the man replied
"I can't! Why can't you just tell me what you want me to do?"
"I have." the man answered
"That's bull shit! You haven't told me anything!"
"'It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood poor approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.'" the man said
"Who said that?" Devin asked
"Shakespeare." the man answered
"What does that mean?"
"It means don't swear in my car."
Devin sunk down in his seat, embarrassed. "I'm sorry." he said
"I forgive you." the man said
They both sat in silence for a while before Devin finally spoke again. "Why are you doing this to me?"
"What am I doing to you?" the man asked
"You are torturing me." Devin answered
"How so?"
"'How so?'" Devin was filled with rage, "What do you mean 'How so'? You have taken everything from me! I'm failing in school! My family is a mess! And my girlfriend just killed herself!"
"Oh, did I do all that?" the man asked sarcastically
"You could have saved her!"  Devin yelled, "You could have saved her! But no, you just sat back and watched as she drove a knife into her stomach!"
The man was infuriated. "You think I didn't try to save her? You think I didn't love her with all of my heart. I loved her in a way you never could understand! I could have created more peace in her life than you could have hoped to create!"
"Then why didn't you?" Devin asked
"I tried."
"You tried? I thought that when you want something it automatically happens." Devin mocked
"You couldn't be more wrong." the man said
"Oh well then please, tell me how you tried to save Mary's life?"
"I sent her you."
Devin was taken off guard. He immediately saw what the man meant. He felt so overwhelmed that he burst into tears.
"It's okay." the man said as he patted Devin on the shoulder. "It's okay. You are not perfect."
"No," Devin said, "But you are! So why are you letting all of this happen to me? Why didn't you tell me that all I had to do was bring her to you? Why didn't you tell me anything?"
"I did tell you. I had been telling you for years."
"Then how come she's dead?"
"Because you wouldn't listen!"
"Oh, don't give me that crap! You don't care about me! You don't care about anyone! All you do is sit up there on your stupid cloud and laugh as you watch me suffer!"
"That's not true, Devin. I love you. I love you with all my heart. I gave my life for you."
"Yeah, okay." Devin said as he rolled his eyes.
The car came to a stop. They were back at the grave yard.
"Okay, Devin," the man said, "You have reached a choice. We can continue driving and talking and hopefully get all of this trouble worked out or you can quit now and get out of the car. The choice is yours. But let me warn you, if you get out of the car that is your destination." He pointed to the graveyard.
Devin sat and thought, he looked at the man then at the graveyard. "Okay," Devin said, "I'm done." He grabbed the handle and pushed the door open.
"Devin, I am not trying to mislead you. Mary may have no more hope. But you do. I'll be right here... Waiting for you."
Devin climbed out of the car and slammed the door and the man shed a tear.